Friday, April 20, 2012

The "norm"

So, to set the scene; A young woman in her twenties, maybe younger, maybe older, is sitting in an apartment with a best friend talking about life and love. They are relating all the things that occur in their respective relationships. Here's how the conversations goes;
"He's great in bed and last night, oh my gosh, it was amazing...but..." -Girl A
''...but what...c'mon, tell me!" -Girl B
"He told me that he Loves me..." -Girl A
"uh, oh" -Girl B
"Yeah, I know." -Girl A
"What are you going to do?" Girl B
"Oh my word, I don't know! I mean, I've never said that to anyone, it just hasn't felt right, you know? And now, he's put that out there and I feel like a total wench for not saying it back, but I just don't know if I feel like that about him, you know? Why did he have to go and throw that into the mix....echchhh!" -Girl A

I've seen this basic scene play out in many different TV shows and in quite a few movies as well. It scares me to death and makes me more than a little miffed. I think women have enough to worry about with society telling them constantly that they need to have the sex drive of a man and the emotional detachment, like a man.  It's presented in these wonderfully clever guises such as the feministic mantras of "Take control of your own sexuality!", or "You don't need a man to please you!" and the constant media barrage portraying women (and teen girls) as so sexually voracious that their appetites could never be satiated; They are compelled to lure their male prey into a candlelit room, are prepared with condoms and tell him over and over that this is what they want. The only thing is, I don't believe them.

I see that it has come to the point of women not holding onto virginity whatsoever, but, withholding the declaration of love, as the end all, the real meaningful thing. It is sad to see such a shift. Now, just because I see it in media does not mean that this is what all young women hold to. I do believe it is a short matter of time before it permeates the ranks of "regular" women and becomes a societal norm. It makes me afraid for my daughters, that they will think so little of themselves and get caught up in the "everybody's doing it" theme. I recognize that it is my job to instill in them a feeling of self worth, independence and strength. But, at some point they will begin listening more to what their peers have to say than to me. Peers, as a whole, most often go off of what they see on the TV, in movies and what they see celebrities doing. I wish this was not the case. I know that swearing off TV, Movies, Internet and society are not the answer. I'm not going to put my daughters in Burkas. I know that my daughters are the only ones I can put on a good path and be there for when they make mistakes. I wish I could communicate to my peers that they are worth so much more! You don't give your social security number out to just anyone, you guard it, so you can't be taken advantage of or hurt financially. You don't just hand out keys to your home do you?! No! In the same way, you must protect yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. I didn't mean this to turn out preachy, sorry. I just wanted to highlight something that I see to be a damaging cycle. Feeling that if you hold onto this "ultimate gift" of telling a man you love him, but not thinking twice about sleeping with him seems so backwards to me.  Take it or leave it.

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