“Do as I say, not as I do”

Such an innocuous phrase, “Do as I say, Not as I do”. I’d never really given it much thought, that is, until I became a parent. When you’re a parent, your children almost exclusively “do as you do” by default. That’s how they are wired. It’s kind of intimidated knowing that everything I do is being observed and very likely will be copied. This of course also means that what other people do and say around my kids is also probably going to be copied. This is, to say the least, pretty overwhelming. Wouldn’t it be nice and simple if they just did what we said to do and were unaffected by any “bad” examples around them…

I’ve been a parent for a few years now and it still amazes me when I see how my kids learn, not how they are taught, but how they learn. From the moment they are born they are the ultimate imitators! They see you smile at them and once they figure out those facial muscles, they smile right back at you. I don’t know how many times I’ve laughed at each and every one of my little ones pretending to yammer away on a phone shaped object. My children have even come up with their own fake cough to copy my own before they could sit up…funny, I know…

Basically; gestures, facial expressions, walks, habits (good and bad), attitudes (good and bad), choice of words (good and bad!!), spiritual awareness, racial feelings, respect…all these things and more are learned through example. That’s not to say that they cannot be or aren’t taught as well, it’s just that learning by example is as easy as breathing for children.

I can tell my children till I’m blue in the face that they need to be patient with each other, but if I run around losing my temper with them and showing them my lack of patience, the odds are it’s going to come right back out at me! If I start swearing around my kids, even if it’s not at them, they will learn to use that kind of language. I can teach them not to use it, but they will have already learnt it and they are very likely to use it around their peers at school or out in the forest when I’m not around.

I take the knowledge of what I do and say being so closely watched very seriously. Probably too seriously at times, but it is so very important to remember. I want to lead by example and be proud of that example, however, it is difficult having my oldest become more conscious and susceptible to outside influences. Here is where my lifelong control issues are really put to the test. I’ve always been able to shape and regulate to a very close degree what my children have seen, heard or are generally aware of. That ability is going to continue to recede as my daughter gets older and is more and more outside of my sphere of influence. It’s tough; I’m not going to lie.  I am not by any stretch of imagination a “helicopter parent”. Yet, when it comes to television, music, language, lifestyles and various depravities in the world my husband and I have tried to shield our children’s innocence as much as possible. I just don’t see how being familiar with news stories about rape, or the lifestyle choice to “divorce” because “they just weren’t in love any-more” could be beneficial. But; due to the gradually increased exposure to some of these things I have recently had some rather challenging conversations with my oldest daughter. She has questions and I am grateful that she is comfortable asking her dad and me about these things that she has seen and heard. That doesn’t necessarily make those conversations any easier though.  As I come face to face with the evolving reality of parenting a pre-teen in a rather scary world I realize that I will not always have control or even influence. My husband and I could be the absolute perfect examples to our kids and they would still see so much that would affect them in school, in church, in community and even extended family. I hope and pray every day that the people whom have influence in my kids’ lives are good and wholesome people that will “rub off” on them in a good way. I also hope that we will have given them a strong moral compass that will always point them in the right direction no matter who or what might be encouraging them otherwise. 

Job Title

 You know those days when your major accomplishment is keeping the kids alive…and fed…oh, and various diapers/pull-ups changed and potty breaks?! I seem to be having a lot of those recently…way, too, many!

Granted, I have five children, the youngest being nearly 12 months. My husband has been gone for two weeks and will be gone for a week more, so that’s….hard. But still, I want to be able to get more done and feel better about my general parenting/staying-at-home-ishness. It is after all, my job. When filling out certain paperwork, under MY job description, I write HOMEMAKER. That is what I am doing, making a home, maintaining a home and, above all, raising; strong willed, independent, loud, smart, ornery, energetic, caring, not-so-caring, challenging, enthusiastic, hungry, temperamental, emotional, cranky, fun-loving, curious, wide-eyed, sweet(ish), sassy, imaginative, and creative children. I war within myself when I write that title: HOMEMAKER!??...!!  I’m proud that this is my chosen profession and yet, I wonder why I am doing something that is so stinking hard and often times not-at-all satisfying and then I feel a little like “eh”, it’s what I’m doing and sure, why not…then usually, I’ll circle back around to “Yes, that’s right, I MAKE A HOME!!!” I usually only shout that in my head, because no one around me doing their own paperwork challenged me on my life choices so, why should they suffer?!

In a typical job, you might get a raise for doing well, build up vacation days (and use them!!), get useful feedback from your peers or your boss. It’s quite different when you’re a homemaker. If you get feedback from someone who is not your kid, it most often times turns out to be “wow, you’ve got your hands full”, or the not-so-sly disapproving glances at an outburst from one or all of your children. Kid feedback is even more fun with such sweet nuggets of “when I grow up I’m going to have the lion I buy eat you.”    

  A “raise” would be considered FINALLY potty training the kid that was so disinterested just eight months earlier and who stayed for the longest time in the phase where ‘if they were in a pull-up they would just use it like a diaper anyways’, sooooo YAY, no more carrying that size of diaper or asking if they need to go potty every ten minutes only to find that they went 35 seconds ago…I just got a “mommy raise”.  

  Vacation is not even a word I’m familiar with, I’m sure it has something to do with having fun “outside of the home” without a child grafted to my body, but I really don’t know, hopefully I’ll be able experience this before I die.

Compensation, well, I get a bit more touchy when it comes to this subject. My mother, who successfully raised six (not easy) children as a homeschooling(!), homemaker says that it’s all worth it in the end. She touts the relationships she has with us and the enjoyment of our children as her reward. I guess I’m not so much of a saint, because, I would love to see an advancement check for all my labor. Now, I’m not so incredibly calloused and horrid that I don’t see those little moments of joys and laughter for what they are, success at “Homemaking”. But, a little appreciation (vocalized) from my children or applause when I walk in the door with an armful of groceries, or even $1,673,291 in hard cold cash (I’ve done a little math…), would go a long way with me.

Most of the time I’m defiantly proud of my JOB, it’s hard, I don’t always like it, but, I feel very strongly that it is the most important thing I will do with my life. I want to do it well, I want my kids to be happy, fulfilled and loved…it’s my JOB!